It's been a minute since I last wrote. I've thought about it a few times, but didn't take fingers to keyboard until now. So here we are. Late February, woo...time is flying. I hope that it flies quickly over the next few weeks because I'm counting down to me and Sam's excellent adventure out west. Throughout the four years of our relationship, we haven't done much travel that hasn't been related to weddings and/or family things.
First stop, San Diego where we'll stay at an Airbnb (first time trying...kind of excited for a different experience). After 3 nights, we're heading north to Big Sur for 2 nights, followed by a bit of an inland detour so that we can check out Yosemite National Park, and then 2 nights in San Francisco. I'm looking forward to ocean breezes, sunshine, and celebrating our 4 year anniversary/my 31 birthday on the west coast.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Monday, January 11, 2016
Getting Back to Normal
Amid all of the crazy of this past fall, I fractured my ankle (trilateral break - all 3 ankle bones), after my sweet Stella pup lunged for a squirrel in our backyard, and I lost my balance. She spun me around, I slipped, and it was bad news.
After learning a valuable lesson about carrying my cell phone whenever I leave the house (I had to yell for help until our tenants overheard me and thought I was being attacked), a trip to the ER, surgery, and staying off of my foot for 2 solid months, I'm finally getting back to work and life.
My work was amazingly flexible after my injury and let me work from home while I was housebound. This way I didn't have to take the time off of work and use all of my vacation time or not get paid (two not great options).
Last week I was told I could start weight bearing, and I headed back to work soon after. I thought that my physical therapist was a little nuts when she told me she thought I would be back to walking normally in two week, but after weight bearing with crutches and a walker all weekend, I can imagine a full recovery that soon.
My surgery took place the day before we found out about my cousin Brad's death, and we all found out the evening I was discharged from the hospital. Everything about that weekend was surreal, but being on pain killers, and not being able to leave my parents' house, where I was staying, was pretty rough. I saw my immediate family, but other than that I felt incredibly isolated. While everyone was gathering at my uncle's house, I was at home, mind racing, heart breaking, and worried sick about my cousin Erin, my uncle and aunt.
Mentally, I'm noticing that I lump that whole awful series of events together, so I am thrilled to be getting out of the house. To me, it sort of signifies closing out that period of time. I'm really happy to leave that adventure behind me. Onward.
After learning a valuable lesson about carrying my cell phone whenever I leave the house (I had to yell for help until our tenants overheard me and thought I was being attacked), a trip to the ER, surgery, and staying off of my foot for 2 solid months, I'm finally getting back to work and life.
My work was amazingly flexible after my injury and let me work from home while I was housebound. This way I didn't have to take the time off of work and use all of my vacation time or not get paid (two not great options).
Last week I was told I could start weight bearing, and I headed back to work soon after. I thought that my physical therapist was a little nuts when she told me she thought I would be back to walking normally in two week, but after weight bearing with crutches and a walker all weekend, I can imagine a full recovery that soon.
My surgery took place the day before we found out about my cousin Brad's death, and we all found out the evening I was discharged from the hospital. Everything about that weekend was surreal, but being on pain killers, and not being able to leave my parents' house, where I was staying, was pretty rough. I saw my immediate family, but other than that I felt incredibly isolated. While everyone was gathering at my uncle's house, I was at home, mind racing, heart breaking, and worried sick about my cousin Erin, my uncle and aunt.
Mentally, I'm noticing that I lump that whole awful series of events together, so I am thrilled to be getting out of the house. To me, it sort of signifies closing out that period of time. I'm really happy to leave that adventure behind me. Onward.
Saturday, January 2, 2016
2015 Was Hard
The year is anew, and I have never been happier for a year to end. This past year has been hard. Harder than anything I have ever experienced.
I experienced the loss of my Grandma Evelyn in October 2014 (I know, that was last year), which was tough. We had time to process and certainly weren't blindsided by her loss, since she had been battling cancer on and off over the course of the past 15 years. 2015 didn't start off horribly, but we all missed my grandma and grew protective and closer to Grandpa Moe who was devastated by the loss of the love of his life. He maintained his independence, staying in the home that he and Evelyn had shared since 1962.
This past July, Grandpa Moe had a massive stroke over night. Since too much time had passed between my mom, Jer, Sam and I leaving his house the night before (I will spend my whole life grateful for that time we all spent together joking around in my Grandpa's driveway - him showing off the tomatoes growing on his plant, while suspecting raccoons were stealing his bounty) and my uncle finding him in the morning.
He survived less than a week, and we spent time in the ICU squeezing his hand and kissing his cheek. It was heart breaking, but also, felt okay. He lived a long and beautiful life, and he knew that. He was so content, and that contentedness came from his marriage. He adored Evelyn and stood by her side through things that were hard. They raised my mom, who is arguably the most important and influential person in my life. My grandparents were so good, and because of that my mom is amazing, which has helped to install important values in my brothers and me. We were all caught off guard and devastated by his loss. We dragged ourselves forward.
Then, in November we lost my cousin, Brad, who ended his life after battling mental illness for years. I have never felt anything in my life like the grief that I felt over the loss of Brad, who was only 29 years old. I was shocked, and I still am processing it, although I am seeing that life will move forward. It will not be the same, and our family will be different. Our family is different. Not in a bad way, actually. It's nice. We've all found strength in each other, offering support in the best ways we know how. Frankly, just being there for each other all day err'y day. Brad's sister, my dear cousin Erin, was already one of my best best friends, since our family has always been so close. Anyway, we're all pulling each other along and leaning on each other.
I suppose although this year was deeply painful. I also learned how to be strong. The week of Brad's funeral, I really didn't think I would be able to get through the week. I realize that logically, time passes - that's what time does. But, regardless, it just hurt so badly. The days felt heavy. But we did get through. The hours and days passed, and now it's 2016.
I know that it's rather cliche to see the new year as a new beginning, but 2015 was the hardest year of my entire 30 years, and I have high hopes that 2016 will be better.
I experienced the loss of my Grandma Evelyn in October 2014 (I know, that was last year), which was tough. We had time to process and certainly weren't blindsided by her loss, since she had been battling cancer on and off over the course of the past 15 years. 2015 didn't start off horribly, but we all missed my grandma and grew protective and closer to Grandpa Moe who was devastated by the loss of the love of his life. He maintained his independence, staying in the home that he and Evelyn had shared since 1962.
This past July, Grandpa Moe had a massive stroke over night. Since too much time had passed between my mom, Jer, Sam and I leaving his house the night before (I will spend my whole life grateful for that time we all spent together joking around in my Grandpa's driveway - him showing off the tomatoes growing on his plant, while suspecting raccoons were stealing his bounty) and my uncle finding him in the morning.
He survived less than a week, and we spent time in the ICU squeezing his hand and kissing his cheek. It was heart breaking, but also, felt okay. He lived a long and beautiful life, and he knew that. He was so content, and that contentedness came from his marriage. He adored Evelyn and stood by her side through things that were hard. They raised my mom, who is arguably the most important and influential person in my life. My grandparents were so good, and because of that my mom is amazing, which has helped to install important values in my brothers and me. We were all caught off guard and devastated by his loss. We dragged ourselves forward.
Then, in November we lost my cousin, Brad, who ended his life after battling mental illness for years. I have never felt anything in my life like the grief that I felt over the loss of Brad, who was only 29 years old. I was shocked, and I still am processing it, although I am seeing that life will move forward. It will not be the same, and our family will be different. Our family is different. Not in a bad way, actually. It's nice. We've all found strength in each other, offering support in the best ways we know how. Frankly, just being there for each other all day err'y day. Brad's sister, my dear cousin Erin, was already one of my best best friends, since our family has always been so close. Anyway, we're all pulling each other along and leaning on each other.
I suppose although this year was deeply painful. I also learned how to be strong. The week of Brad's funeral, I really didn't think I would be able to get through the week. I realize that logically, time passes - that's what time does. But, regardless, it just hurt so badly. The days felt heavy. But we did get through. The hours and days passed, and now it's 2016.
I know that it's rather cliche to see the new year as a new beginning, but 2015 was the hardest year of my entire 30 years, and I have high hopes that 2016 will be better.
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Sam is the Best
As I write this post, Sam is en route home from the grocery store where he spent more than an hour trying to work his way through a very detailed list that I gave him. I recently underwent surgery to put together my fractured leg, meaning I have limited mobility at the moment - no grocery shopping for this girl. Sam and I have pretty different diets and taste in food, so since I've been home I haven't been able to cook much, which pains me. Cooking is one of my favorite things to do, so living off of fried eggs, roasted leftover Thanksgiving sweet potatoes and kim chi (great combination of flavors) while delicious is sort of boring.
I am excited for him to get home with my ingredients so that I can make white chicken chili verde and a vegan white bean swiss chard soup, among other things.
Regardless of my cooking excitement, I am so grateful, and sort of feel guilty, that Sam spent so much of his leisure time getting me groceries. Maybe one day I'll be able to take care of him, and it will be my pleasure.
He's a good man, that one.
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Gratitude and Appreciation
Today is Thanksgiving, and this is a day that causes me to reflect on everything that I have in my life. Not even trying to #humblebrag here, but my life is pretty great. Recently my family experienced an unexpected loss, which has caused a lot of pain and sadness. This pain has put a lot into perspective for me.
Around two weeks ago, I was able to turn around a particularly emotionally challenging day by sorting through hundreds of family photos. Pictures of school concerts, family vacations, play dates with little friends, holidays, bbqs, me and my siblings playing, snuggling up with grandparents - these photos represent so much joy and the events and people that have helped to shape me.There were just so many photos, which is amazing. To me, this means that I have parents that thought it was important to capture me and my brothers' childhoods.
Beyond taking a inordinate number of photos, my parents have done so much for me and my brothers. In fact, while I have much to be thankful for, above all else I am grateful for my parents. Everything that I have in my life, I owe to them.
Really, from genetics (I love my curls and freckles) to my education, from my friendships and relationships to my positive attitude. My parents protected me and my brothers throughout our childhoods. I realize that this world contains a whole lot of awful and crazies, and my parents did their best to shelter us from that/them so that we could have playful, fun, innocent childhoods.
My parents have been married for 33 years and they still hold hands, go on dates and cuddle. They have shown me how to be a partner and spouse. In a time when divorce is commonplace, my parents are so committed to each other that I don't even think that word is spoken in their house. They make me so excited to get married, start a family, and hopefully give my children as much as they have given me. I would be remiss if I didn't mention that my parents each were raised by incredibly loving and protective parents, which I'm sure also showed them how to do things right.
Suppose there are many other blessings that I have in my life, so why not list them:
*Sam - my love, my rock, my partner. He came into my life at a time when I was just trying to get out there and try my hand at dating. I wasn't trying to find the love of my life, but there he was. I am so thankful for Sam and all of the joy he has brought to my life.
*Jeremy - my younger brother and best friend. I remember being a pissed off 2 year old, learning that I would no longer be an only child. I wanted a sister and instead got a brother and a cabbage patch doll named Jessica. I thank God that I didn't get my bratty wish to stay an only child or have a sister. Jer cracks me up, supports me, deals with all of my crazy, and loves me.
*Ryan - the littlest one in my family. He taught me patience, since frankly he was kind of a bratty kid. Now that he's a grown up second year medical student I am so proud of the adult he has become. He is thoughtful, seeks opportunities to make a difference in his community, and offers me support and laughs when I need them. I also remember wanting a sister when my mom was pregnant with him (clearly sisters weren't in the cards), one time yelling down her throat to the baby "be a girl! I want you to be a girl." Obviously not how science works, but made sense to my 7 year old mind.
*Parents - see above.
*Grandparents - unfortunately they are no longer with me. However I am so blessed to still be learning from them. From them I have learned that family is more important than anything else. Things are just things, but true richness comes from taking care of, loving and supporting your family and the people that you hold dear.
*Family - cousins, aunts and uncles. Again, they shaped me and showed me how to be a friend and a part of a community.
*Friends - I have lived all over the map throughout my 20s, which means my friends are now scattered across the country and the world. Despite the physical distance of some of my closest friends, they are so good to me and we are so good to each other.
*Job - once upon a time I worked in food PR. It was fun, but it wasn't fulfilling. I am so fortunate to work in fundraising and development now, which allows me to use my skills and strengths to better my community. Beyond that, my colleagues inspire and support me.
*The roof over my head and food in my belly.
*Clothes in my closet and boots in my shoe supply (needed a shallow one in there!)
*Music
*Learning - always learning and growing!
*Literature
*My community
Well, this was a long post, which is good, because it means there is a lot that I hold dear.
Around two weeks ago, I was able to turn around a particularly emotionally challenging day by sorting through hundreds of family photos. Pictures of school concerts, family vacations, play dates with little friends, holidays, bbqs, me and my siblings playing, snuggling up with grandparents - these photos represent so much joy and the events and people that have helped to shape me.There were just so many photos, which is amazing. To me, this means that I have parents that thought it was important to capture me and my brothers' childhoods.
Beyond taking a inordinate number of photos, my parents have done so much for me and my brothers. In fact, while I have much to be thankful for, above all else I am grateful for my parents. Everything that I have in my life, I owe to them.
My parents have been married for 33 years and they still hold hands, go on dates and cuddle. They have shown me how to be a partner and spouse. In a time when divorce is commonplace, my parents are so committed to each other that I don't even think that word is spoken in their house. They make me so excited to get married, start a family, and hopefully give my children as much as they have given me. I would be remiss if I didn't mention that my parents each were raised by incredibly loving and protective parents, which I'm sure also showed them how to do things right.
*Sam - my love, my rock, my partner. He came into my life at a time when I was just trying to get out there and try my hand at dating. I wasn't trying to find the love of my life, but there he was. I am so thankful for Sam and all of the joy he has brought to my life.
*Jeremy - my younger brother and best friend. I remember being a pissed off 2 year old, learning that I would no longer be an only child. I wanted a sister and instead got a brother and a cabbage patch doll named Jessica. I thank God that I didn't get my bratty wish to stay an only child or have a sister. Jer cracks me up, supports me, deals with all of my crazy, and loves me.
*Ryan - the littlest one in my family. He taught me patience, since frankly he was kind of a bratty kid. Now that he's a grown up second year medical student I am so proud of the adult he has become. He is thoughtful, seeks opportunities to make a difference in his community, and offers me support and laughs when I need them. I also remember wanting a sister when my mom was pregnant with him (clearly sisters weren't in the cards), one time yelling down her throat to the baby "be a girl! I want you to be a girl." Obviously not how science works, but made sense to my 7 year old mind.
*Parents - see above.
*Grandparents - unfortunately they are no longer with me. However I am so blessed to still be learning from them. From them I have learned that family is more important than anything else. Things are just things, but true richness comes from taking care of, loving and supporting your family and the people that you hold dear.
*Family - cousins, aunts and uncles. Again, they shaped me and showed me how to be a friend and a part of a community.
*Friends - I have lived all over the map throughout my 20s, which means my friends are now scattered across the country and the world. Despite the physical distance of some of my closest friends, they are so good to me and we are so good to each other.
*Job - once upon a time I worked in food PR. It was fun, but it wasn't fulfilling. I am so fortunate to work in fundraising and development now, which allows me to use my skills and strengths to better my community. Beyond that, my colleagues inspire and support me.
*The roof over my head and food in my belly.
*Clothes in my closet and boots in my shoe supply (needed a shallow one in there!)
*Music
*Learning - always learning and growing!
*Literature
*My community
Well, this was a long post, which is good, because it means there is a lot that I hold dear.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
So here we go. Starting a blog.
After a my second week of bed rest after surgery to put together my shattered leg (fractured my leg in three spots) I'm bored. I'm embarassingly up-to-date on social media. I keep commenting on peoples' posts and uploading pictures, and figured...let's redirect my energy into something more productive and personal. I love writing. I always have. When I was a kid I journaled all the time, it was therapeutic, but as I shifted to adulthood, the personal writing stopped. I'm not sure why. I guess maybe it's because writing and editing is a part of my livelihood now. Anyway, it's still therepeudic, and judging by my urge to comment on Facebook, I've still got some things to say. So like I said...here we go!
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