Getting Back to Normal

Amid all of the crazy of this past fall, I fractured my ankle (trilateral break - all 3 ankle bones), after my sweet Stella pup lunged for a squirrel in our backyard, and I lost my balance. She spun me around, I slipped, and it was bad news.

After learning a valuable lesson about carrying my cell phone whenever I leave the house (I had to yell for help until our tenants overheard me and thought I was being attacked), a trip to the ER, surgery, and staying off of my foot for 2 solid months, I'm finally getting back to work and life.

My work was amazingly flexible after my injury and let me work from home while I was housebound. This way I didn't have to take the time off of work and use all of my vacation time or not get paid (two not great options).

Last week I was told I could start weight bearing, and I headed back to work soon after. I thought that my physical therapist was a little nuts when she told me she thought I would be back to walking normally in two week, but after weight bearing with crutches and a walker all weekend, I can imagine a full recovery that soon.

My surgery took place the day before we found out about my cousin Brad's death, and we all found out the evening I was discharged from the hospital. Everything about that weekend was surreal, but being on pain killers, and not being able to leave my parents' house, where I was staying, was pretty rough. I saw my immediate family, but other than that I felt incredibly isolated. While everyone was gathering at my uncle's house, I was at home, mind racing, heart breaking, and worried sick about my cousin Erin, my uncle and aunt.

Mentally, I'm noticing that I lump that whole awful series of events together, so I am thrilled to be getting out of the house. To me, it sort of signifies closing out that period of time. I'm really happy to leave that adventure behind me. Onward.

2015 Was Hard

The year is anew, and I have never been happier for a year to end. This past year has been hard. Harder than anything I have ever experienced.

I experienced the loss of my Grandma Evelyn in October 2014 (I know, that was last year), which was tough. We had time to process and certainly weren't blindsided by her loss, since she had been battling cancer on and off over the course of the past 15 years. 2015 didn't start off horribly, but we all missed my grandma and grew protective and closer to Grandpa Moe who was devastated by the loss of the love of his life. He maintained his independence, staying in the home that he and Evelyn had shared since 1962.

This past July, Grandpa Moe had a massive stroke over night. Since too much time had passed between my mom, Jer, Sam and I leaving his house the night before (I will spend my whole life grateful for that time we all spent together joking around in my Grandpa's driveway - him showing off the tomatoes growing on his plant, while suspecting raccoons were stealing his bounty) and my uncle finding him in the morning.

He survived less than a week, and we spent time in the ICU squeezing his hand and kissing his cheek. It was heart breaking, but also, felt okay. He lived a long and beautiful life, and he knew that. He was so content, and that contentedness came from his marriage. He adored Evelyn and stood by her side through things that were hard. They raised my mom, who is arguably the most important and influential person in my life. My grandparents were so good, and because of that my mom is amazing, which has helped to install important values in my brothers and me. We were all caught off guard and devastated by his loss. We dragged ourselves forward.

Then, in November we lost my cousin, Brad, who ended his life after battling mental illness for years. I have never felt anything in my life like the grief that I felt over the loss of Brad, who was only 29 years old. I was shocked, and I still am processing it, although I am seeing that life will move forward. It will not be the same, and our family will be different. Our family is different. Not in a bad way, actually. It's nice. We've all found strength in each other, offering support in the best ways we know how. Frankly, just being there for each other all day err'y day. Brad's sister, my dear cousin Erin, was already one of my best best friends, since our family has always been so close. Anyway, we're all pulling each other along and leaning on each other.

I suppose although this year was deeply painful. I also learned how to be strong. The week of Brad's funeral, I really didn't think I would be able to get through the week. I realize that logically, time passes - that's what time does. But, regardless, it just hurt so badly. The days felt heavy. But we did get through. The hours and days passed, and now it's 2016.

I know that it's rather cliche to see the new year as a new beginning, but 2015 was the hardest year of my entire 30 years, and I have high hopes that 2016 will be better.